Remembering Poppa

It's 3:45 a.m., and I am eating a chocolate cupcake. It's not chocolate ice cream, but it is the closest thing I've got at this hour! One of my favorite things about Poppa is that he thought it was perfectly ok to take nightly ice cream breaks when he woke up. He would go to bed at like 7 p.m. and wake up around 10 for some ice cream... OFTEN. So I'm having a cupcake in his honor tonight.

I got a call at 2 a.m. that Poppa had gone to be with Jesus. I actually got a call at 1:17 a.m., but I didn't hear that one. My phone was on silent (not that sound would usually help... I am a ridiculously deep sleeper), so I am sure that God woke me up to let me know at exactly the right time. This is my first real experience with losing a loved one. I have been beyond blessed to have experienced 25 amazing years with all of my grandparents. I didn't expect this to be my first experience. Poppa, although he only had one lung all of my life (really 3/4 of one lung)-- he had lung cancer from asbestos exposure-- was always a rock and family fixture. My other grandparents have had some pretty significant health complications, but Poppa (one lung and all) seemed invincible to me. I don't think I ever heard him complain about anything in my entire life! It's just hard to imagine life without him sitting in his recliner, or out on the porch, or out in the garden picking strawberries or driving the tractor with Seuss (his adopted German Shepherd... we called him Zeus (which is honestly more fitting, he is a beast!), but Granny informed us otherwise, so out of respect today...I will give in) in the bucket beside him.

I had to double check my spelling of German Shepherd, and I came across a description that made me realize how perfect that dog was for my Poppa. From a Dog Central website-- the description sounds vaguely familiar..."One of the most beautiful and easily-recognizable breeds in the AKC, the German Shepherd has long captivated us with his noble and wolfish appearance, his loyalty, and his versatility. Able to learn and adapt to almost any new task set before him, he is a master of many trades, some of which include herding, assisting those who are blind or disabled, protection and guard duty..." Poppa is exactly all of those things! Now, you have to forgive me, Poppa, I know you wouldn't like being compared to a dog, and I do this with the most respect.. Trust me, but you have to admit... there is a lot of comparable truths here!

My Poppa was truly one of the most beautiful and easily-recognizable American "breeds"-- the hard working, honest, God-fearing Southern father, farmer and gentleman. He worked extremely hard at everything... loyal employee of Alabama Power Company (retired all of my life); kept an amazing garden and raised cattle...even his breathing was hard work. I will always remember his wheezing, and the sound that became an ironically comfortable background noise at every family function. Nothing really came easy for him, but he never stopped working. He rarely sat down! All to provide a great, hard-earned life for his family. He had a weathered appearance so one could easily recognize how hard he had to work to create this life, and they could appreciate him as I did. He was incredibly loyal to his wife of over 50 years, and cared for her as she became "less able" to get out and go to the store, etc. He was the master of many trades. I am always amazed that he and my dad can really do anything/everything! He has always served as a protector. I know I always felt safe because Poppa and Granny lived at the end of my driveway between me and the road (danger).

As I received the news tonight, I was completely heartbroken. Poppa went into the hospital last Friday (today is now Thursday). He actually went to the doctor first because he was having a hard time breathing, and he was dizzy. Turns out he had a GI bleed, and thus a lack of oxygen. They weren't too concerned. It was a side effect of the blood thinner he takes. They gave him blood at the hospital... and also as it turns out, they gave him pneumonia. I had a "busy week" at work-- none of it seems of any importance now, of course, and I am left feeling the stabbing pains of regret that I didn't take my last opportunity to spend time with Poppa. He would have done it for me. He dropped everything for me anytime I needed it. Perfect example... He used to take me to school in the morning some when I was pre-teen/teenager (and I am still not pleasant in the mornings, so I know that was a burden!!) My sister called tonight around 8 p.m. to tell me that I probably should come home tomorrow. Although the doctor said his condition was improving, my mom and sister did not believe it, and they thought I should know. I canceled my meetings in the morning, notified my boss, and I planned to leave as soon as the roads were clear. At present, we are dealing with an unseasonably cold and snowy winter in Alabama! We have around 2 inches of snow on the ground, and the roads between me and home are not the most ideal travel conditions. I actually thought about leaving in the middle of winter storm #47 (or 4.. whatever) and heading to the hospital as soon as I got the call, but I thought better of it. I knew that my family would be worried sick, and Poppa always used to get on me about "waiting til it was good and dark before I could get in the car to go anywhere." I laughed thinking about how he wouldn't want me on the road, and I decided to wait until morning. Turns out... morning came a little sooner for Poppa than it will for the rest of us.

Since I got the call, I have been sobbing, shaking, smiling, thanking... so many emotions that I felt I had to write it down to understand it all.

Poppa wasn't the biggest talker in the family... not that he didn't enjoy company or anything, he just probably didn't have much of a chance when we were all together. He may not have been a big talker, but he married one and raised a few of them! He was always present, though, listening or trying to... he was a "little" hard of hearing. He had a great sense of humor, and he was always smiling. He was strong and loving. He might have been a bit impatient or anxious at times, but don't worry...he didn't hide anything. What you saw was what you got with Poppa. He wore out more than a few coins in his pocket. He could jingle change with the best of them! I mentioned earlier that he was kind enough to drive me places when I was younger. I would get so embarrassed because he would drive up in that yellow cadillac or the white one and honk that deep sounding horn until I came out-- whether I was at home or school, the honking was fun for him, I think... just another way to pick at me a little bit. He loved to tell the story of my short-lived potato-picking career. He got a good laugh at my 6-year-old spoiled self taking on the spiders in the tater patch... so much so that for YEARS, he would ask "Are you busy this weekend? I need some help pickin taters." Just to get a rise out of me. He had a great smile and laugh. He may not have been proud of my talents as a farmer girl, but I know he was proud of my accomplishments. One time while I was at Auburn serving as the Vice President of the student body, he came down for a fancy dinner we had. My mom had gotten sick, and I had already reserved a place for 2 (mom and dad) at this dinner where we were installing the new officers. At first, I was really upset that my mom couldn't make it. Daddy brought Poppa with him, and I was excited, but skeptical, honestly. I didn't think Poppa would enjoy something like that.... it was held at the AU Hotel and Dixon Conference Center. It was suit/tie sort of occasion, and I had not seen Poppa in that setting. Not to mention, he was sitting with a lot of the other officers' families, who were a lot different from mine. I thought certainly he and my dad would be bored out of their minds! It was sort of "my last hoorah" in that role, and I had a speech about what we had accomplished, gave my charge to my replacement, etc. I looked out from the head table several times and of course, from the podium as I addressed the crowd, and Poppa was beaming. After we left, I remember him talking about how he was going to have to tell Rex (his best friend) all about it, and I knew I had accomplished something then! He wasn't too big on sharing emotions, but that night... I knew he was proud of me, and it made my night. I will never forget it, either!

I learned a lot from my Poppa. I learned that if you work hard, one day you can "relax" and do whatever you want to do... if that's driving a tractor and shelling peas or going to bed at 5 o'clock to wake up in 4 or 5 hours to eat a bowl of ice cream... so be it! I learned that you don't always have to do all of the talking to get your point across. I learned that keeping in touch with old friends is important; to value relationships and make the time and effort to see people, even when you don't feel like it. I learned how to wear the edges off of coins so they feel like river rocks in your pocket. I learned to treasure life and never give up; to smile-- even and maybe especially when you can't hear the chaos around you. I learned that the word "alright" is certainly alright to use when answering the phone. I learned that a life lived on Christian principles and a Godly example will create a legacy that will live on forever.

Right now, while I am heartbroken that I didn't get to tell Poppa these things before he left this world, I am praising God for the life that he lead. If given half the chance to go back in time, I would have followed my gut and driven on the icy roads last night to be able to see him one more time and tell him that I love him, and that he means the world to me. I know that he knew. I am beyond thankful for his example in my life. Phillippians 1:3 says "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you." I always will, Poppa. Thank you, Jesus, for choosing us to be your children; for dying on a cross to defeat my sin so I can see Poppa again one day and tell him all of this stuff.