Beauty From Ashes

On this day 4 years ago, I experienced grief and loss at a level I hadn't previously understood. We were basking in the glow of first-time pregnancy until we weren't.  On this day 4 years ago, I lost a baby and the dream of becoming a mother.  The fear that accompanied that loss was devastating.  I had big dreams of having a big family with those strong Barclift genes--the big eyes, the round cheeks, the "goochy" nose. What if that would never happen?  I told myself things like "things happen for a reason" or "this is God's will for me" in order to make sense of the chaos and move past the pain. But I don't know if I ever believed it wholeheartedly.  This week, I read a really interesting blog from a mother and blogger that I have recently come to admire. 

"But the truth is that human beings are not exempt from the human experience. And struggle is an innate part of the human experience. None of us are exceptions to this rule. We all struggle. We all suffer. We all experience pain, heartache, and loss. And sometimes, there’s just no reason other than we are human and pain is a part of the process." 

She also said, "Here’s what I’ve come to know about God’s will:
God’s will is not the path we walk, but rather how we walk the path.  "

At many times throughout my life, I have found myself pondering the biggest question of all for me, "What is God's will for my life?"  And time and time again, God shows me His truth.  It's not some big secret.  It's found in the only two things in life we can control, our actions and our attitude! It's blatantly obviously in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

¹⁶ Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

Today, I know I am abundantly blessed with an incredible family. I am so thankful that God did see fit to fulfill the dreams in my heart. He has given me two boys-- One rambunctious, full-of-life, joyful 3 year old boy who knows he holds my heart. And one active-in-the-womb tiny baby boy on the way, who will soon know the greatest love of all! I am surrounded by adoring family by blood and by marriage, who support us in our crazy pace of life through ever turn.  I haven't forgotten that first baby or the pain of that loss.

Today, I am happy--  exceedingly joyful and thankful! But I remember the ashes.  I know he makes everything beautiful for its own time and in HIS time.  I am grateful that I can trust in Him and walk WITH Him through dark times.  His plans for us are never-ending, unfailing and GOOD.  We may suffer in this old, broken world, but He has overcome the world. And He is Good!

Ecclesiastes 3:11- Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

Isaiah 61:3- "To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory."