Remembering 9/11

I can't believe it has been 10 years since 9/11/01. As I sit and watch the coverage again and again today on the 10th anniversary of this national disaster...I realize how insignificant "my story" must seem. I was 16 years old when the towers were hit, and I can honestly say that although I didn't know anyone personally killed in this tragedy, 9/11 changed my life, as it did the lives of millions of Americans.

The first plane hit the towers when I was in 1st period in my 11th grade year at Albertville High School. I know this from the time line, of course, but I don't remember hearing about it until a little later. Even when we'd heard about it, I did not understand the gravity of the situation. Like many other stories I have heard, I remember the confusion of thinking it was some tragic accident-- an overworked pilot falling "asleep at the wheel" or a crop duster that got severely off course; someone had a stroke or heart attack while driving their jet... I don't know. What I didn't think was terrorists had attacked our country. That wasn't my first, second, third or maybe even 20th explanation of what I was seeing on TV. I was your typical self-centered 16 year old. I had gotten my license (FINALLY) not quite two months prior. My world revolved around cheerleading, showchoir, my boyfriend and making sure my class won the homecoming float competition. I shrugged off the first plane thinking..."gosh, poor people on that plane and in that building. Whew! I'm so glad I don't know anyone in New York. That looks scary... hmm I wonder what we're having for lunch today."

I was in between my first and second classes, and I heard news reports in almost every teacher's classroom. I stopped in to view Fox News on Mrs. Baggett's room and saw the second plane hit the second tower, and it started to dawn on me. This is no accident! What is going on? My heart hurt for the people I saw on TV, but again.. selfish kid that I was...I became terrified and thankful to live in a small town. The mixture of the emotions is still fresh on my mind, although many of the other details are muddy. A plane into the Pentagon, another believed to be on its way to the White House.... Where else would the planes go? Surely not Albertville, but maybe the Anniston Army Depot. How many times had I shrugged off the radio PSA's about what to do in case of biological emergency. Weren't we in range of that "danger zone" in case of a meltdown or whatever might happen at the Ft. McClellan?

Goodness, I will never forget seeing the emotion register on the faces of the folks on TV.. shock, terror, anguish, mass confusion. There were so many rumors being aired on TV and many more circling the halls of AHS. By midday, I am ashamed to say that one of my most immediate concerns was the gas shortage that we were sure was coming. I actually remember thinking "Man, I just got my license, and now I won't be able to drive. There will be NO gas! of all the rotten luck..." How ridiculous was I to think about myself at a time like that. Disgusting, but true. I remember being ashamed when that thought registered. I also remember waiting in line for almost 2 hours for gas...so I wasn't the only disgusting one with those selfish thoughts.

I also remember being immediately concerned about the real prospect of war. For the most part, my generation had lived in a peaceful time. With the exception of Desert Storm, which happened when I was 5, and seemed to last about 5 minutes in my feeble little mind. Would they institute a draft? Jefforey had just registered for selective service about 4 months before. What would I do if he was drafted?! He was my whole world! (selfish, selfish, selfish child I was) I felt angry! I felt the need for vengeance... retaliation. I was incredibly proud to hear President Bush say we would hunt whoever was responsible down and make them pay.

I remember seeing my first "jumper", and I think the hopelessness almost overwhelmed me. How miserable to be faced with the proposition of burning to death or jumping to death. Then, the unthinkable. The 2nd tower collapsed at 8:59 a.m. central time. It was clear that whatever tests we had that day were not going to happen. Every student and teacher was glued to the latest news. How could this get worse?! SOOO many people worked in that building. Thousands would be dead. That massive cloud of smoke and debris taking over NYC...a place I'd never been but always wanted to go. The hysteria in the streets...people running with ash over their faces, knee deep in the "stuff" that was the world trade center. The first responders had just gone into the burning buildings to try and save the day... they were most certainly dead. My respect for the fire fighters and police grew in that instant. But again, taking it back to me (as only a 16 year old can do)... what would I have done in that situation. If I were stranded on the 100th floor-- would I have been a jumper, too? I decided then, I wanted to be brave. I wanted to help people, but I didn't know how. I still don't know how..

It was a nightmarish day. Even for someone over 900 miles away... it was a nightmare. I can't even imagine the grief for those at ground zero or with loved ones there. Again, this perspective is from a 16 year old ignorant kid with no connection whatsoever to the chaos...10 years after the fact.

For days, months, weeks... I was afraid. Even in middle of nowhere in Albertville, AL, every plane caused terror! If theses cowardice terrorists could steal planes in AMERICA and use them as bombs, what else were they capable of! My worst fears included biological weapons... anthrax laced mail coming to McCoy Road.

In the next few weeks, months, years... I changed from a carefree kid to a concerned citizen. Of course, I was still incredibly self-absorbed, but I did care about the world around me much more than I did before. I knew I would never forget the nearly 3,000 people that were taken too soon that day by people who hated our way of life. I would not take life for granted. I would not take my freedom so lightly from now on. And my gratitude for the service men and women... unparalleled. It still breaks my heart to know that although many of them knew they would never come back out... they RAN into the flames in hopes of saving someone they didn't know. After the first tower fell, with the other tower's structural integrity greatly in question... they STILL ran in. Gut check time for me... I knew I would not have reacted that way. I think that helped me grow up a lot. These folks deserve so much respect...they are true American Heroes.

The patriotism for the next year was unreal. Our way of life, our freedom, had provoked these cowards to take terrorist action out on innocent people in our country. The reactions of people from across the country are what made me proud to be an American.

Here I sit, 10 years later, as I reflect on how I have changed because of this tragedy. It is still difficult to put into words, but I do hope that we will always remember the agony, the pride, the unity that we felt after those days as a country. It is EASY to fall victim to division, but we have to move forward UNITED if we wish to overcome. That was our message then, and it needs to be now.

I'm not sure why I felt so compelled to share a story that is in no way special.. I guess it's my way of making sure that I never forget where I was when the world stopped turning... when I gained a respect and gratitude for every man and woman who has served our country... when I knew that I wanted to serve in some way. My priorities were realigned that day to God, Family, Country...then the rest. I pray for the victims' families... no memorial or amount of time can truly heal their wounds. I pray for our country, which is scarred in the same ways. And I pray I can find that way to serve my country and be obedient to God to bring His name glory through all of this...

May God continue to bless America.