It is kind of weird... I think I am less emotional than ever actually. For instance, this week one of our beloved dogs died in a freak accident that was truly terrible. Before my experience with real loss, I would have been devastated. But when Jefforey called to tell me the news, I barely cried. If you know me, you realize what an amazing feat that is. This is coming from a girl that can fill a bucket of tears from 1 sappy commercial or God forbid I hear a sappy song about Daddies and little girls when I'm alone in my car. But seriously, when Sadie died I was hurt and sad, and I shed a tear or two, but it was not the full scale come-apart I would have expected. Not because I didn't love Sadie...she was a sweet, precious dog, and I adored her, but because it paled in comparison to the hurt I still feel everyday for my granddaddy.
This picture was taken a few months ago after I cut his hair for the first time. He was very concerned about losing his hair-- and he never lost it all. We laughed that he--at 86 after taking chemo for 4 months-- still had more hair than Jefforey does at 28 :)
I think about him every day, but thankfully, it is not just sad thoughts. It is incredible memories, and man... there were plenty to go around. I hit a few in my eulogy, but I am so blessed to have SO many from which to choose. My sister shared many others in her "Remembering a Hero" I am finding that the hardest part is switching my conversations about him to past tense. And of course, my heart flip flops every time my phone rings from their house because it says "Granddaddy's" on my phone. It's the little things, but I'm moving on. Working non-stop has helped keep me distracted, but my heart is completely over-flowing with love and gratitude to the many friends, neighbors and co-workers who have sent kind thoughts, prayers, cards and food our way. I cannot tell you how much comfort you have provided me and my family. I will never be able to thank you enough.
I am humbled and thankful mostly to my Savior. God has revealed Himself to me in a mighty way through this as the Master Healer. Proverbs 4:20-22 says, "My child, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh." Amen!
Read more Healing Verses here or in your Bible any time :)
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