Something in the water

It has been so much fun being pregnant with several of my friends and my sister! What a blessing to share this exciting time in our lives together... to have someone to celebrate and commiserate with! S My sister and Candice were originally 6 weeks ahead of us on due dates.  Amberly is 6 weeks behind me, and Jenna is 10 weeks behind me.  Erin is about 20 weeks behind me.  And we have recently found out that Anna and Cate are pregnant too!  So yes... I am pretty much surrounded by pregnant people.  There is something in the water!

It's also made for some really fun photos like our Christmas maternity sister photo shoot.  We had planned to get some pictures made from a professional photographer before Sissy was put on bed rest.  We weren't able to get our official photo shoot done, but we had a pretty good fill in with my mom... too bad we were really rushed that day!

I am up for opening this gift early like Sissy did, by the way.  It's only fair, after all :)

Loved these adorable PJs

Our traditional "Sissy Hug" picture was a little more difficult this year with Trace and Aubrey wanting in on the action.

Here we are at Candice's Shower

Easton is ready to meet his little buddy, Trace!

Amberly and Jenna helped host my friends shower!

We added one belly to the bunch at Amberly's shower!

Can't wait for all these babies to get to know each other!

 I'm so excited that Trace Parker will have friends to grow up with.  If they turn out to be half as good of friends as these girls have been to me... he will be one very lucky boy!

Are we there yet?

No.

Are we there yet?

No.

I feel like an errant child begging my Father from the backseat of a long road trip to let it be time to be at our destination-- in this case,  the arrival of my baby boy! And trust me... I'm doing my fair share of whining and begging God from the backseat.  Example #77,026 where I am not in control... God is.  (You'd think I'd learn this lesson by now... man, am I a stubborn child!)

The calendar says we are 38 weeks pregnant today, and boy am I ready! Patience has never been my strongest virtue.  To think I even feel the need to say that out loud is laughable... anyone that knows me has more than likely never listed me on their "most patient people" list!  I wish I were more patient, and I really do try, but it definitely isn't something that comes naturally for me.  If you EVER see that fruit of the spirit in me-- it's because of the Holy Spirit working an overtime miracle that day!

It's not that I'm that tired of being pregnant, although, according to Jefforey.. we "have to be at least 12 months pregnant by now."  Which truthfully, including the miscarriage...I've been pregnant like 11 of the last 12 months.  If I'm being honest... I am a little ready to have my body back.  I'm ready to have my foods and beverages of choice again.  Oh how I miss sushi.  And Dr. Pepper.... and a looong list of other items on the "no fly list" while pregnant.

It's not even that every single conversation I have throughout the course of a day begins, consists of, ends and completely revolves around "When is Trace Parker going to get here?"  or "How are you feeling?"  Although, admittedly... that does get a bit old!  But it's not like I can blame people... it is on my mind 24/7!  It's becoming increasingly difficult to get anything accomplished because I am thinking about him constantly!  Up until yesterday, I have (thankfully) been so busy with work, that I haven't had much time to dwell on the fact that I'm about to have a baby.  I was managing our biggest event of the year, and I was just praying that Trace would wait a few more days so I could attend it!  Now that we've made it through the Race to Remember, I having a bit of a tougher time staying focused on ANYTHING but BABY!

I am mostly ready to have this baby boy because I am dying to meet him!  I feel like I just can't wait another second to see his face in the flesh instead of on some creepy ultrasound machine or alien-esque 4D photo. I am longing to hear him cry and smell his sweet baby fragrance, not the artificial imitation that is his closet (which I sneak into at least 5 times a day just to sniff!).  I am honestly just ready to know he is here and healthy.  Everyone tells me that the worrying has just begun, that you really never stop this constant thinking of your kid business.  Hooey.  At least when he is HERE, I can lay eyes on him and see that he's still breathing. There is so much faith involved in this whole pregnancy process...  So many scary things that can happen.  I'm not proud of this, but I am admitting to you that I have really struggled with worry lately.  Apparently, that comes with the territory, but I don't want to accept that.  Sin is sin, and no amount of "mommy justification" will change that -- worry is NOT from God!

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you;my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

If I am constantly worried about the health and safety of this child, am I really being a good example of God's peace?  What does my worry say to others about my faith?!  I called to make an appointment with my tax preparer, and God used that gentleman on the phone to bring this issue to my attention, he must have been able to hear the anxiety about the arrival of our son.  He asked, "Are you my sister in Christ?"  I said, "Yes, sir!" He said, "Well then just declare and proclaim a healthy, safe baby and delivery. No need to worry!" And I thought... Right you are, Mr. Tax-Preparer-appointment-taker guy! Right you are!

How many times does the Lord tell us not to worry throughout Scripture?!  Tons of times.  I found an encouraging post about worry that you can check out for more examples than I've listed below.

Isaiah 43:1-3  But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob,  he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;  I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;  and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

I often use this verse on baby door hangers.  It's a beautiful image, but it's not just pretty-- it's TRUTH!  It's the promise of God!  We have been redeemed!  We are claimed by the Maker of the Universe.  He called us by name!  He promises to be with us and tells us not to fear.  Who am I not to listen to that direct command!  Forgive me, Lord!

Hebrews 13:6 So we can confidently say,  “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

It is time that I start living on faith and confidently saying The Lord is my helper whom/what then shall I fear?! Thank God that He never lets go of me...even when I am a wimp and get lost in the seas of worry!  Praise God that He brings us through storms and challenges and allows us to rest in His incredible peace!

Psalm 118:24- "This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I've also been convicted about my change in focus lately and about my whining, complaining and begging God to let it be time already!  I want to stay focused on the reason I was made-- to bring glory to God in all that I say and do.  If I'm constantly questioning (see: begging/whining) the timing of my son's arrival... am I really living with an attitude of gratitude for all I've been given?  Am I really rejoicing in the day the Lord has made?  Sadly, no.

Habakkuk 2:3-

For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
    it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
    it will surely come; it will not delay.

Verse 4 in Habakkuk 2 says (From the Message) “Look at that man, bloated by self-importance—
    full of himself but soul-empty.
But the person in right standing before God
    through loyal and steady believing
    is fully alive, really alive. 

If I am waiting on this vision to become a reality, and I'm focused on ME.. the trivial things that are important to me.... I become full of my selfish desires.  When we're full of ourselves, we can't be full of God.  I loved how The Message put this verse ... "through loyal and steady believing we can be fully alive, REALLY alive!"  That's good stuff!

Ecclesiastes 3 (From the Message)
¹⁴ I’ve also concluded that whatever God does, that’s the way it’s going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God’s done it and that’s it. That’s so we’ll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear. (emphasis is mine)

¹⁵ Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That’s how it always is with God.

Yep, right again... God's timing is perfect.  That has been SOO easy to say, and lots "less easy" to really believe or live out lately.  I've decided today that I am going to stop begging Trace to come and start rejoicing in the time that I have left with this little buddy in my womb.  I'm going to celebrate this special time because it's the last precious time that it will be just us!  While I still kind of hope that Trace will subscribe to the good ole Camp War Eagle mantra, "Early is on time. On time is late.  Late is unacceptable."  More importantly, I'm going to rest in the comforting peace and knowledge that my God has this thing under control, and Trace will arrive safely at His appointed hour, which will be just the way it should be!

Your prayers are appreciated!

Showered with Love

Another thing that pregnancy has taught me, is that I really have the BEST friends, family, church family and co-workers in the entire world!  We have been so blessed to have friends throw us showers to celebrate the coming of our precious baby boy!

  Here I am at 31 weeks (looking very swollen already, sadly).

Our first shower was hosted by my long-time girlfriends from left to right: Ashley Ham Wells, Anna Weathers Smith, Katie Uithoven Baugh, Amberly Pierce Baugh, Jamie Duckett and Jenna Duckett Payne on January 17th at Cindy Ham's house.

One thing I LOVE (insert sarcasm) here about baby showers are these incredibly awkward photos of you opening gifts... why do we think it's a good idea to take these photos? I have no idea, but they are not kind to animated people like me.  Here's one of my "favorites."

My friends are very talented, and had the cutest shower ideas ever!  I loved everything about it... the cake, the decorations, the door hanger, the fellowship...  We had such a fantastic time!

On February 3rd, my friends from Auburn threw us a couples shower with an adorable baseball theme at the home of our dear friends, Ericka and Rusty Jackson.  They didn't miss a detail... we had peanuts, cracker jacks, cotton candy, nachos, hotdogs, sour straws... even Jefforey's "traditional" baseball snack of Snickers and blue Powerade.  They even made some trophies for Trace with MVP, Rookie of the Year and Allstar!  So adorable!  We had a blast!  I just wish I had pictures of all the shower details!! 

At least at the couples shower, I have someone to share the fun "gift opening" photos with!

Me with my beautiful hostesses (minus Katie Smith, who unexpectedly had to be away)-- Claire Marie Whitmore Maceina, Ericka Bennett Jackson, Sara K. Smelley Goodwin and Courtney Lawrence Isbell.

 I was so glad to have some of our best friends that we don't get to see nearly enough to join us in celebrating our little Rookie :)

On February 19th, my sweet co-workers through me a shower at work.. even though I've been home on bed rest, and we were only 2 weeks from our biggest fundraising event.  We are abundantly blessed!

Here I am at 35 weeks

 My sweet HMC family:  Rhonda Osborne, Laina Williams, Susan Sanders, Elizabeth Bell and Chrystal Hoffman.

The next day, Jefforey's co-workers showered us with love as well!  We had a joint shower with one of his co-workers who was two weeks ahead of us in the pregnancy.  She has already had her beautiful baby boy, and we're incredibly jealous!!  Sadly, I didn't have my camera that day, but hopefully, we will get some pictures from the folks that were there that we can add soon!

On Saturday, Feb. 16th, my sister, Drew, Andrew and Aubrey made their first trip to Albertville.  Yes, I recycled an outfit.  Sue me.  When you're enormous... your wardrobe becomes limited :)  Mom decided to throw a joint shower celebrating Trace and Aubrey for family and Sissy's friends (since she wasn't able to have one before Aubrey's arrival because of her bedrest).  It was wonderful to see everyone, and we had a wonderful time!

It was so good to see Brandee Oliver Sims and her precious baby girl, Greenleigh!

 Mom really went all out with a pink and blue theme for her new grandson and granddaughter!

 Aubrey girl pretty much slept the entire time and seemed to enjoy being passed around meeting all the fam!  Isn't she a doll?!  I'm so in love!

 The next day, our precious church family at Albertville First United Methodist threw us a shower rounding out quite a busy week for this girl on bed rest!  It was such a HUGE blessing, and we had a blast!  Again, I didn't do a very good job taking photos of the details, but everything was so nice.  All of the girls (youth and kids) helped me open the gifts and load them into the car.  Becca was an awesome helper!

 With 3 of my sweet youth ladies-- Mille, Anna Clay and Maddie

Last, but certainly not least...Jefforey's family threw us a shower on Sunday, Feb. 24th at his Aunt Pootie's house.  We had a great time, but again... unfortunately, I left my camera.  Hopefully, I can add some photos that his aunts and cousins took soon!

We have been so blessed with gifts and love of our friends and family as we celebrate the soon-to-be arrival of our sweet baby boy! So Trace Parker... you are one loved little boy.  Everyone has been so gracious and kind to provide gifts for you and now, they are just waiting to meet you.  It's not nice to keep everyone waiting, so please... come on anytime you are ready!

Getting an inside look at Trace Parker!

On January 18th, we woke up to a beautiful snow covered winter wonderland AND a doctor's appointment in Birmingham at 7:45 a.m.  Yuck!  Had it been ANYTHING other than the much anticipated 4D ultrasound... we probably would have called to reschedule, but seeing as we were too excited to get an inside peek at Mr. Trace Parker to sleep-- we decided to brave the worst driving conditions I have ever purposefully driven in to make it to that appointment.  We left at 5:45 and braved solid re-frozen slush until we made it to HWY 431... a trip that generally takes 15 minutes took about 45 minutes.  Once we got to the highway, however, road conditions improved considerably, and we made it to Birmingham around 8:15-- just 30 minutes late.  Trace was very cooperative at first, even posing for the "camera."

 Check out his smushed little goochie nose!  We think a lot of his features look like me, but like his first few photos... there is something about that profile that just says miniature Jefforey Allen Morgan :0)  He appears to be in the 59th percentile for weight/height, and 100% perfect!

 A lot of folks mention that he resembles Andrew in this one... I have to agree :)

But by the end of our time, he literally stuck his little hand up as if to say "Alright that's enough. No more pictures please."  It was comical to say the least, and it seems that we may have gotten a glimpse into his little personality.

Sweet little buddy!  I am more excited than ever to hold this little guy and kiss those chubby little cheeks.  March 20th cannot come quickly enough!

The things they forgot to put in the "warm cuddly baby brochure"

Warning:  This is a graphic post.  If you are not pregnant, never been pregnant or have no interest in understanding the sometimes odd and disgusting changes that a pregnant woman's body goes through... do yourself a favor.  Don't read any further.

This post is exclusively for girlfriends (known or unknown) who have honestly wanted to know what it's like to be pregnant from an extreme extrovert, self professed "over-sharer" who has no filter's perspective.  It will be more information than you think you want... until you are 8 months pregnant wondering WHY in the world no one ever told you these things! So please know... this post isn't for everyone.. proceed with caution.

Up front, I feel the need for a disclaimer-- I am about to tell you the good, but mostly just the bad and the ugly about my experiences with pregnancy thus far.  I do this not to scare you, or to complain; as I sit 30+ weeks pregnant with my first child, I write this post because I feel that I was grossly under-prepared for some of the pregnancy challenges I have faced, only to hear from my OB and friends that said challenge is "completely normal." Then why the heck didn't I know about it before?!  I have joked many times that they failed to mention ______ (fill in the blank with any one of the list of items I'm about to compile) in the "have a cute, cuddly baby" brochure.  Granted, I have not read every single pregnancy book out there.  I'm sure some people tried to warn me, but I must've missed a lot!  All of that said simply to say this.... I don't yet have that cute, cuddly baby, and I already know that every bit of the bad and ugly are ultimately and completely worth it. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have truly been thankful for these symptoms because they have reminded me that I am, indeed, pregnant and blessed enough to bring a sacred life into this world. Every single item on this list is worth it just to feel that sweet baby move inside your womb!  Not any word or combination of words in the English language could ever describe that amazing feeling!  And no amount of pain or inconvenience could ever put a damper on that feeling.  It's magical!  And I know that it will pale in comparison to holding my baby boy for the first time and the whole host of amazing experiences his life will bring.

 So please know that while it's going to sound a WHOLE lot like I'm complaining when I bring these issues to light, I want you to know upfront-- that's not my intention.  I am SO glad I get to go through these things because I know many people who would love to have these "horrible" experiences and aren't able to... so I'm counting all of this list as blessings, but at the same time... I'm going to get real with you.  Just so you can never say that I didn't tell you about this stuff!  And I definitely do not claim to "know it all" about pregnancy by any stretch of the imagination... I'm a newbie, and I've had a GREAT pregnancy thus far according to the textbooks... so gosh, I realize how much worse everything could be!  Also, it's important to note that every single pregnancy is apparently as different as our fingerprints, but still... here's my 2 cents worth of observations of the cons of  a blessed, healthy pregnancy thus far.

I so badly wanted to be one of those women... you know the type, you probably have friends like the type... (I do, and I hate them right about now!) those that "feel better pregnant than they've ever felt in their lives".  You know them--  their skin has that beautiful effervescent tone, their hair and nails are flawless, their smile sparkles (and you can actually hear that "ding" like in the orbitz commercials), their bellies look like they swallowed a basketball because that's the ONLY place they look pregnant and they've never once been tired or nauseated during their entire pregnancies.  Jerks.  But darn it.. I wanted that part of the fairytale!  Maybe that's why I feel so slighted by these symptoms...or maybe it's because I felt prepared for parts of it and not others, and I feel like the whole list should get equal treatment!  I don't know, but for what it's worth....

Here's my top 10 things they forgot to list in the "have a warm, cuddly baby brochure":

1. Leg cramps- holy stinking cow.  I've had calf cramps before, but these are just mean.  Every night, when I'm not awoken by the unavoidable need to pee-- I am awoken by a vicious attack on my calf muscles, hamstrings, feet or hips.  They are no fun, and they are consistent! And the good news- they're normal, and no amount of potassium I ingest seems to help me avoid these little buggers.  So just get ready for that one. 
2. ACNE- My face looks like a pubescent teenager on steroids.  It is a hot mess! And I'm not happy about it. Stupid, evil hormones...
3. Pregnancy Rhinitis- Apparently, your body produces more mucus EVERYWHERE! And I have been sniffling with an awesome post-nasal drip, throat-clearing cough since about month Who knew that this was normal?!  Welcome to pregnancy!
4. Increased Discharge and Vaginal itching- I'm almost convinced that hormones are just evil demons that cause issues everywhere in your body.  This is one area I wish the hormones would just leave alone, but alas-- they don't.  You should just prepare yourself now to purchase some panty-liners and prepare to be uncomfortable.  That's all I can really tell you about that subject until you experience it.  Just know it's "normal."
5. Heartburn- Again, I thought I had experienced heartburn and indigestion a fair share in my lifetime.  Apparently, I only thought I knew what heartburn really was before pregnancy!  Until you are kept awake by stabbing pains, and you're convinced that you have become a fire-breathing dragon.. you know nothing of this pregnancy beast.  Indigestion
6. Shortness of breath- Woah.  This is a big one... especially if your job requires a lot of presentations.  This is also the one of the top 10 that snuck up on me the most!  I was trying to give a presentation to our board of directors... talking for an hour or so (no big deal), and it hit me... this tiny human has forced all of my internal organs especially my diaphragm and lungs up.  Everything is compressed, and the "new normal" is NOT to be confused with the olden days.  You can't breathe.  Ordinary activities make you feel like you've just completed an Ironman. Make plans accordingly.  Singing and speaking engagements should be taken with caution!
7. Forgetfulness-  that whole "placenta brain" phenomenon is no joke or excuse. Something happens to your memory when you're growing a human.  Maybe it's that you are always thinking of this little person, so you're already distracted on your best day... or maybe it's a combination of the other symptoms' wear on you... either way.  You will not be as productive or efficient, and you will forget why you've gone into the room you've just entered.  Make lots of notes for yourself... even if you're just going down the hall!  It's a must to surviving pregnancy brain.
8. Clumsiness- it's funny.  While some of your senses, like your sense of smell for example are heightened to the point of super-hero status....others, like balance or spatial awareness.. not so much!  It's like I have developed this orb attached to the center of my body, but although I see it constantly, I obviously forget it's there.  I knock stuff over and belly bump everything in sight.  The center of gravity shift is one of the more comical on my top 10.
9. Round ligament pain (RLP)- When you cough, sneeze, make a quick movement or sometimes just breathe, there will be moments of intense sharp pain in your pelvic area.  The first few times I experienced RLP, I thought something had to be wrong... I mean, I was to the point of penning a last will and testament, but no.  Just a normal pregnancy pain.  So never fear!  You actually get used to it.
10. Don't take bending over for granted! Oh my goodness... it's HARD to put on socks and shoes.  It's all but impossible to shave your legs.  This belly business complicates ordinary tasks to the point that you change your wardrobe if you're alone! I'd heard people talk about it, and I thought... "oh it's probably just hard."  But no.. it really becomes impossible to breathe and put your socks on at the same time. 

There are 5 "honorable mention" items worth mentioning. Things not making the list because I think they are pretty well covered in maintstream pregnancy literature, but you still won't understand their complexities until you experience them:

1. Morning Sickness-- whoever branded that title was LUCKY!  I never once felt sick only in the morning.  It is constant.  It is annoying.  I have never been a puker, but I got to the point that I PRAYED to puke (which I did my fair share of anyway), but the nausea didn't ever go away.  That's one reason I think I was so tired in the first 13 weeks... because I was constantly doing my best to not throw up 100% of the time I was awake.
2. Frequent Urination- it's an inconvenience all day, but at night-- super annoying.  The worst part to me... before pregnancy when you felt like your eyeballs were floating, and that you would DIE before you could empty your bladder... you went to the toilet and you had a gratifying 30 second PLUS pee.  You felt justified in your need to rush to the restroom!  Now, you have that same urgency for maybe 3 drops sometimes.  I don't know why I find that so irritating, but it's like the pain and the inconvenience just isn't worth it for 3 drops of pee.
3. Sleep interruption- (see number 2) It's not just the rush to the restroom, though.  I think it's a combination of the psycho crazy dreams, the anxiety of the changes you're preparing for and the regular discomforts of your new body.  Get yourself a good body pillow and a pregnancy wedge and prepare to lose some sleep. Apparently, it is just prep work for the months/years to come.
4.  Swelling- I knew it was unsightly, and I knew it was likely for some people, but what I didn't know was how uncomfortable it is.  It's hard to explain, but it just feels weird for your feet to look like stuffed sausages
5. Exhaustion- I thought I'd been tired before pregnancy, but yet again... I must not have ever really been tired.  Pregnant tired is a new tired... especially in the first trimester.  There were moments when I would come home from work to change into my bum around clothes, and I would fall asleep mid-change until Jefforey came home and found me asleep. There.are.no.words to describe this kind of tired, but if you're pregnant... you will soon understand.  Growing a human takes a lot of energy... even when you can't see it.  So EVERYTHING is more difficult, and the amount of tired you feel from getting out of bed is almost comical... if you weren't too tired to laugh about it.

So there you have it!  Hopefully this has better prepared you for what's to come!  Get ready... it's the ride of your life, for sure!  And obviously worth every inconvenience :)

It's a BOY!

After what seemed like months of eager anticipation, on Thursday, Oct. 25th, we FINALLY drove down to our 19 week appointment for our anatomy sonogram.  Neither Jefforey, nor I, slept very much on Wednesday night.  We were too excited to see our baby again, and at last be able to call him or her by his or her proper pronoun!  We were so ready to find out, but mostly to see that he or she was healthy!

Apparently, one of my last photos did not look very accurate because I was wearing a loose sweater... so upon request, here's the bump at 19 weeks:

In my anxiety, I scheduled a CRAZY work week-- appointment after appointment-- to prevent the week from dragging by.  I even scheduled a meeting in Birmingham right before our appointment to keep my mind off the ultrasound!  Sweet Jefforey kindly drove to my sponsorship request meeting and waited "patiently"!   Finally, we arrived in the St. Vincent's parking deck where we snapped this fun gender reveal shot-- pink or blue?!

We got to go right back to the Ultrasound waiting area and got called in (by my favorite tech) a few minutes later.  Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long to see that sweet baby.  Everything looked good! Praise the Lord.  He showed us his 10 fingers, 10 toes, functioning 4 chamber heart, all critical organs appeared to be in working order.  It was absolutely amazing.  I couldn't stop smiling, and neither could Jefforey.  It is a priceless memory!  We didn't find out the sex right away... but it wasn't long before he got over his modesty and started "showing his stuff."   He did NOT want to be mistaken for a girl.  He proudly placed his little hiney directly onto the ultrasound wand and spread 'em :)  (multiple times).  Jefforey joked that he obviously got his modesty from his mother.  We are lucky to have found him in a very "awake state."  He was flipping all over the place!  At one point, he even flexed his left arm muscle, to which Jefforey and I both almost shouted!  "It's a sign!  He is going to be left handed...at least for sports!" :)  He really did look like a little athlete in training in there-he was doing crunches, flexing his guns, standing on his head, stretching his calves.  I'm telling you- he is already in training!  Obviously, a little phenom in waiting!  You can go ahead and put him on the watch list for the 2030 Olympics :)

 I planned to let a select few family and friends know before going to our scheduled gender reveal dinner at the Seales's home.  However, as we were wrapping up the appointment, my cell phone died.  Talk about horrendous timing!  The phone was SO dead, in fact, that it took almost an hour to charge enough to turn back on.  I had several really funny texts from anxious friends when it finally turned back on.  Sorry to have worried everyone!!  I was so honored and overwhelmed to see how many people cared to find out about Baby Morgan.  It was so much fun!!    I sent the picture below to my family and my "baby updates" group on my phone.  I later learned that my new text group didn't work out very well... I felt awful that some dear friends thought they were left out!  Again... sorry about that!  We will get it fixed!

It's a BOY!

We went by to tell my old co-workers the exciting news and show off our 24 photos that St. Vincent's gave us!  Then, we headed to Calera to have dinner with our old home group family.   I was so grateful that Jason and Alicia cooked for us and had most of the crew together again... just like old times.  Erin even bought some really cute gender-reveal props, and we took a couple of cute pictures with everyone's guesses.

After the guesses, we left the room and came back like THIS...

And, of course, showed off our boy through his first photos all over again! 

Loved seeing him sucking that little thumb!

We have really enjoyed the past few days-- sharing the news with everyone and showing of the photos.  I had a suspicion all along that he was a he :)  I'm so thankful he looks to be healthy and strong.  I praise God for allowing us the technology to see this amazing process.  I have a new appreciation for this verse.... just incredible.

Psalm 139:13- "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb."

The most common question so far:  Do you have a name picked out?
Yes-- Trace Parker Morgan!

Jefforey is actually Jefforey Allen Morgan, Jr.  so our son would be a third.  Instead of using "Jefforey Allen Morgan, III" and calling him "Trace (for tres)" -- we just wanted to simply and NAME him Trace!  And Parker is my Granny Nita's maiden name... one that most people called her, by the way.  I have every intention of calling him by both names-- Trace Parker, BUT there's a bit of debate about that in our house at the moment :)

Jefforey is still on cloud nine, as am I.  Every now and then, one of us will just float around with a goofy grin on our face and say "we're having a BOY!" Oh what BIG dreams we have for you, little buddy!  Whatever it is that you decide you want to do, we support you as long as you do it for the Lord... not for us!  I know God has big plans for you!

We are so thankful God chose us to bring Trace Parker into this world, and we're counting down the days until March 24th (or 21st, or 26th... whatever day he decides to come!)

Dear Sweet Baby: A Letter to My Unborn Child

Dear Sweet Baby,

We have known that you were going to be a part of our lives for almost 3 months now, but yet... somehow it is just becoming real.  Maybe it is that tiny fluttering I can feel when I get really still and concentrate (especially when your daddy talks to you, I feel you stirring!), or less satisfyingly-- the indigestion that has become my constant companion. :)  Either way, there is definitely not a minute that goes by that you aren't on my brain, in my heart and in my prayers.  Any time that my brain has a moment to be blank, it automatically turns wholeheartedly to you-- wondering what you are doing inside my womb, how you are developing, what you will look like, how you will act.  I am not worrying about you (at least, I'm not speaking that...). I am trying REALLY hard to rely on God's mercy and grace, knowing He has a perfect plan for you, little buddy.  Knowing that He is Sovereign, Almighty and forever in control.  He is creating your delicate features-- fearfully and wonderfully!  He is weaving your personality and who you will become.  It amazes me that the God of the Universe takes such intricate care of each of His children.

 Psalm 139:14 (NIV) I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;   your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I am so thankful for you, Sweet Baby.  I am thankful not only because you are making my lifelong dream of being a mommy come true, but also because you are teaching me to love my Creator, my Savior even more every day.  Because getting to experience your little life is teaching me new things about love and helping me relate to my Heavenly Father in new and different ways. 

 There are so many lessons I want to teach you... countless things I want you to know from this day forward. You are precious to me.  You are loved and adored.   You are important! I want you to be confident in who you are and who you can be in Christ.  

Ephesians 3:12 (NIV)-  In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

1. You are God's Child- John 1:12
2. You are Christ's friend- John 15:15
3. You can be assured that all things will work together for good- Romans 8:28  
4. You are God's workmanship- created to serve Him.- Ephesians 2:10

God's promises are much better than the ones you will get from us. While you have my word that I will do my best to never break a promise to you, please understand and remember, Sweet Baby, that I am just a sinner-- just like you will be.  We can't expect each other to be perfect because we live in a fallen world.  But Praise God we can rely on One who is Perfect, whose promises will never fail.  

I cannot pretend that I am not scared.  I am afraid to mess up!  I want to be a perfect mom for you... to always do right by you so your feelings are never hurt by me.  Please never doubt how much I love you.  We want the best for you, little one!  You have brought me so much joy in the past 15-1/2 weeks.  I can't even explain the glow of pure happiness I have displayed since I first found out about you. Things that used to aggravate me, they don't seem to matter any more!  You are a light in our lives, and we love you so very much!

Love with every fiber of my being,

Your Mom

Joy Unspeakable

1 Peter 1:8 u"Though you have not seen him, you love him. vThough you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory..."

This is one of my favorite verses of all time, and I will say... lately, it has a new meaning.  In case you haven't heard the news yet.  We are expecting!  God-willing, baby Morgan will arrive sometime between March 20-March 26... smack-dab in the middle of baseball season!  There isn't a whole lot of visible evidence (and I apologize for the poor quality of the photo below), but the tiny baby bump first showed up around 12 weeks, which is the photo you can see below.  We are just over 14 weeks now, and I have so many reasons to be joyful:  the clothes are getting tighter, the nausea and sickness have (FINALLY-- Praise God!) begun to phase out, and I'm beginning to believe that this is really happening!  We are really going to have a baby this time!

God has been working in our lives, and in my feeble human mind-- it seems like this MUST be over-time for our great God!! It is amazing to look back over the past year and a half, and see the many things God has been weaving into our story! An overwhelming theme of these many lessons seems to be "Just wait and see, Annah Grace, you don't have to see the WHOLE picture at once.  TRUST ME!  I am in control. My plans for you are good, and they will be revealed to you in MY time.  Just trust and obey..."  God is working on my patience.  I can feel Him changing my heart.  I am so grateful that He hasn't given up yet because I am one stubborn girl. 

I have been struggling with a lot of fear with this pregnancy.  Not necessarily fear that I admitted readily, but I was not willing to really let it sink in that we are pregnant until very recently.  I didn't want to be excited yet.  I didn't want to tell anyone for a while. I didn't even tell my family until we were past the 8 week mark, and just made it facebook official after my 14 week check up.  But I have really been trying to cast that anxiety on the Lord because I know He cares for me!  I know that fear doesn't come from Him.  So I'm finally talking about our sweet baby, and allowing myself to think and dream of our sweet baby! I cannot WAIT until Oct. 25th when I will hopefully learn if our sweet baby is going to be a boy or girl. (I'm really trying to avoid saying "it" in reference to our little buddy-- because "it" just feels wrong.  I have NO idea how my friends that choose to wait to find out the sex do it!!)

There is a great song called "Wait and See" that Brandon Heath sings.  These lyrics really play on repeat in my head during most days...

There is hope, for me yet,
Because God won't forget,
All the plans HE's made for me
I have to wait and see,
HE's not finished with me yet

Still wonderin' why I'm here.
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh... HE's up to something,
And the farther out I go,
I've seen enough to know
That I'm not here for nothin'...
He's up to somethin'.

Among many other things-- our move home, job changes for both me and Jefforey, our baby, the loss we've experienced in the past couple of years-- we have also answered a call into part-time youth ministry at First Methodist Church in Albertville.  (I promise there will be more on this subject later!)  We started that new part-time job on Sept. 9th.  So we know, we are not here for our comfort, or our pleasure!  We know God is up to something BIG in our lives, and I am so thankful that He chooses to use unqualified, undeserving sinners to work miracles in His amazing master plan!  As always, your prayers are appreciated!

a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

One day, I will seriously blog about something funny or nonsensical or entertaining... one day. Today unfortunately is not that day. Today, I will continue the outpouring of my soul to an anonymous no one that is my completely reader-less blog (a fact for which I am extremely thankful because I understand fully well that this isn't going to be pretty!). Today, I am sad. And if you know me... you know that I don't do sad very well. I don't like sad. Who does?! I also, for some reason, don't think I can be sad in front of anyone that I know or love because I worry more about the pain I'm causing them than the pain I'm experiencing myself. So I'll be sad on my blog today.. again.
 
Mothers Day 2012 was actually one of the toughest days I've experienced yet. You see, for about 16 days prior to Mother's Day 2012... I was a mother. No, I never held my baby. I never even saw him or her on an ultrasound, but I was pregnant for about 16 days, and as crazy as it sounds, I now believe motherhood starts at conception. The feelings of protectiveness, selflessness-- they pretty much start from day one. For 16 days, Jefforey and I experienced an unbelievable gift! We were overjoyed, and against my better judgement-- unable to keep our secret. We just shared our exciting news with our closest friends and family members, but still... I had reservations about this joy. See, we have walked through unbelievably dark times with several of our dearest friends through the pain of infertility, multiple miscarriages and even still birth. Pregnancy is different than having a baby. I knew that. I also knew that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage... still, the joy was uncontainable. It was a joy unlike anything I've ever known or experienced. Every moment was filled with dreams for what his or her future would hold, what holding him or her the first time would feel like, what he or she would look like, act like, etc. Still.. I had my reservations.

I believe God was preparing my heart for the news I received on Thursday, May 3rd. I went to my 6 wks doctor's appointment for my first ultrasound, and they did not see anything except obvious early signs of pregnancy. I was assured that everything looked fine, but I was probably just earlier into the pregnancy than we thought. I wouldn't know anything until Monday when I got my 2nd round of bloodwork to compare my pregnancy hormone levels to be sure. My gut told me that we may experience loss, but Susie Sunshine here-- I just ignored my gut and kept my happy self situated firmly on the bright side. Glass half full, please! I went on to the beach for my best friend's bachelorette party I had been planning and kept reading my "What to Expect" books.

On Monday, I had 2 major events to manage, but also had to get my blood work checked to see if my hormone levels were increasing or decreasing. I got the call at my VIP luncheon I was managing, the news was not good, yet I did not even allow myself a second to shed a tear. I took the news that my numbers were decreasing, and that I would likely start bleeding soon, making the miscarriage "official." I kept moving at light speed because I didn't have time to be sad. I had events to run. My eyes welled up with tears, which I quickly blinked away. I got yogurt and a Dr. Pepper, and went on about my day. I told everyone (almost) that knew we were pregnant in a text like this..."Well.. the good news is I can have caffeine again, and the nausea that's been my constant companion might actually go away for a while... the bad news is.. we aren't going to have a baby in December any more:( but God is in control, and I'm resting in the Sovereignty of the Almighty today. Hopefully someday soon, I will get to share more good news with you!" I've never thought that denial would be a coping mechanism I would use. Now, distraction on the other hand... I'm a big fan of! So for days, I have distracted myself with anything and everything possible. First it was the bachelorette trip I had planned the day I first got the news. Then, it was an overwhelming work load when I got the REAL news. Then, it was an even MORE overwhelming work load when the miscarriage process actually began... which I didn't handle quite as well just because my body all but REFUSED to allow me to be distracted. And THEN... my overwhelming work load (AKA the Tour de Cure, my biggest event of the year) was over, and my boss (lovingly) forced me to take 2 days off. And now, I'm sad.

 I don't WANT anyone to see me being sad. I don't want to admit that there is darkness in me. I want so badly for people to ONLY see the light that is the reflection of God's love and hope in Jesus Christ in me. But I also believe that God made me an extreme extrovert for a purpose! I am an external processor if there has ever been one! Seriously, you might see my picture in a dictionary beside the term. I have to believe that God has me walking through this darkness for a reason-- a purpose that will reveal His Glory some way and somehow! I am resting in the comfort and indescribable peace that His plans for me are GOOD! He is sovereign, and in all things- He is in control!

This dark time has brought up a philosophical question-- can you see light without the existence of darkness? Isn't it true that a light shines much brighter in contrast to the dark? So maybe I am supposed to share that this trying time is painful. It is dark. When I allow myself to be alone with my thoughts with no distractions, I am SAD. Sure, this is NOTHING in comparison to what so many of my friends have had to walk through, but it still stinks. I was a Mother for 16 days, and now.. I'm not. I will never know this child, and that loss is real. I'm trying to learn that it is OK to be real... not just with myself, but with others. Showing sadness does NOT affect my faith. Hopefully, it can strengthen it. It is my prayer that God will allow others to see pain and healing and HOPE! But pretending to be fine-- to ignore the broken heart I have-- that cannot be the example I am supposed to lead... if so-- why would there be so many verses in the Bible about brokenness and sorrow.

Isaiah 26:3 ESV "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you"

1 Peter 5:7 ESV "Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

Psalm 147:3 ESV "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Psalm 34:18 ESV "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

Matthew 5:1-4 ESV "Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

1 Thessalonians 4:13 ESV "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope."

Thank God I have hope. Thank God that He heals the brokenhearted... that HE provides comfort. Otherwise, I don't think it would be possible to be surrounded by babies and news about other expectant mothers everywhere I turn. The pain would be completely overwhelming. So for now, I am keeping my mind on Jesus. I am trusting God to bring us through this sadness. I am casting my anxieties on Him because He cares for me! I am going to be sad... admittedly SAD.. because He HEALS the brokenhearted. He binds their wounds. He is near to those of us who are crushed in spirit. He calls us BLESSED because He will comfort us. We do not have to grieve as others do, but that does NOT mean that we do not get to grieve! We just grieve with HOPE. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for a future because we can stand on promises that are REAL. Praise God!

 Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."