Goodbye 2012... hello 2013

I am spending the remaining hours of 2012 in my PJs with my feet up in a recliner looking out at the Smoky Mountains surrounded by great friends.  This might be the ONLY day in 2012 that I am trying to be bored, but it sounded like a terrific option to me.  Jefforey and I joined Anna and Jeremy Smith and Amberly, Kyle and Lainey Baugh for a 3 night get-a-way to the Smokies to ring in the New Year.  Today, Jefforey went with the Baughs into town to escape cabin fever with the 2 year old.  And as much as I dislike missing out on any action or anything fun… I couldn’t bear the thought of being surrounded by hoards of strangers in the Pigeon Forge outlets today.  So I am sitting my happy self here… like a knot on a log, and I’m loving every minute of it.
 

As I reflect on 2012, it has been a year of continued transition—for which I am both thankful, and ready to leave behind.  For years, I have longed to feel “settled,” and I think we are getting there, but at the same time, I have also learned in these last few years that “settled” may not be in the cards.  As I have repeated so often to remind myself… God has not called us here to be comfortable, but to be the salt and light to a dark world, which is more than likely going to be uncomfortable in every way!  In 2013, I really just want to make my agenda—follow Jesus and HIS agenda.  The end.  Pretty simple list of resolutions, when you look at it that way.  I wanted to take some time to digest the things I’ve learned from the loss I’ve experienced in 2012, and I do have some resolutions that stem from those lessons, but again… the simple resolution is—Follow Jesus.  He was the answer for the world 2000 years ago when he was born in a manger in Bethlehem, and he is STILL the answer for every single question facing our civilization today (and boy are there lots of them!)

In 2012, I left a few things behind that I loved dearly…

In March, I said “goodbye for now” to my Granddaddy.  Not a single day has gone by since that I have not thought of him and selfishly wished he were still here.  I still catch myself trying to call occasionally to tell him about my day, or to talk to him about Trace Parker.  I am most sad that Trace will never get to experience his amazing love—or his cooking.  

Because of this goodbye in 2012—I resolve in 2013 to be better at relationships.  I have a tendency to become so goal oriented, focused and driven that I forget to sit back and enjoy the people God has placed in my life.  I have to get better at this….”just being” with the ones I love.

In June, I said goodbye to my job as manager of fundraising and events for the Alabama/Mississippi chapter of the American Diabetes Association—a job and co-workers that had completed me for 3-1/2 years.  A job where I was completely and utterly satisfied… it was not perfect (as no job or anything else could be), but it was darn near close.  I loved it, and it was VERY difficult to say goodbye.  I know it was necessary to move forward, though.   I am not going to pretend that I haven’t had doubts about my transition, or pretend that I haven’t missed that job!  In the end, only God’s calling and my obedience to that call really matters.  I felt and still feel strongly that I was being called to work at Hospice of Marshall County.  Also, taking a few steps back and gaining a different perspective, I can now see that there were many things about my job at ADA that were unhealthy.  I’ve never been very good at balance, for starters.  That is no surprise to me or anyone who knows me… when I’m in—I’m all in. 

Because of this goodbye in 2012, I resolve in 2013 to not let my work define me…. To remember that I am defined as a child of the King.  I find my strength and my worth, not in the accomplishments of my employment or the approval of my superiors, but in the blood of Jesus.  I resolve to continue to passionately pursue my career “as if working for the Lord and not for men.”  While remaining passionate about my job, I want to be sure and keep my definiteness of purpose finely attuned to the word of God.

In September, I said goodbye to a new church family and areas of service that I had grown to love in a short amount of time.   I had just gotten comfortable singing in the praise band at the Church at Lake Guntersville, volunteering with the kids ministry and teaching some really awesome 3^rd grade girls in AWANA on Wednesday night.  We had gotten settled into a new home group, and we were just getting settled… when we felt a calling for a new direction.  So in September, we said hello to a new adventure as Jefforey and I accepted the position as part-time youth directors for Albertville First United Methodist Church. It is a different situation than we’ve ever been in… one that we certainly didn’t expect or even mean to pray for, but again, we believe that we are being obedient to God’s call.  Any nuances or comfort zones shifts that come along with that are secondary. In 2013, I resolve to pour my heart into this new church and move past my preconceived notions and love people where they are, for who they are.  I vow to do a better job of seeing people as God sees them—through the filter of Jesus!  We are all just a bunch of sinners saved by God’s amazing grace trying to figure things out as we go, afterall!

In December, I said goodbye to an old, dear friend in my car—Fiona.  I had received my 2000 silver Pontiac Firebird for Christmas in 2000 when I was just 15 years old.  It was the best Christmas gift ever—keys in the bottom of my stocking on Christmas morning.  What an amazing memory!!  And wow-- She was a great car… took me over 204,000 miles.  I often joked that she and I had become one.  While the driver’s seat was effectively molded to fit my rump… it had become difficult at 7 months pregnant to get in and out of her 6 inch off the ground seats! 

 As with many things in my life, it was time to step out of my comfort zone and into something new!  On December 8^th, Jefforey and I made our very first car purchase.  We found a great deal on a 2011 copper-colored Ford Explorer.  I love it!  I will love it even more when it is fixed—unfortunately within 10 days, I was in a traffic accident when a vehicle ran a red light as I was coming through it, but all is well!

Overall, 2012 was a year of big changes.  Other changes not already mentioned include the ever-changing nature of our house, which has been in pretty constant flux over 2012—new roof, new windows, new siding… the list goes on!

This shows you some history of the house...

not great quality photo, but you can see the progress-- just needs paint now!

  And obviously the biggest change has been the whole pregnancy thing.  First the miscarriage in May changed me forever.   And every single day since July 15^th (my 27^th birthday)  the joy of a (so far so good) healthy pregnancy changes me (and my waistline)in new and exciting ways!  Our whole lives will change completely in the next 3 months when Trace Parker joins our world more tangibly.  He is DEFINITELY already changing our lives—not just my eating/drinking habits and my figure J  He has become quite active in the past several weeks. There are no words to describe how cool it is to feel him react to loud noises, sweet and savory foods and his daddy’s voice.  I am so thankful that I have been given this time to get to know him in a unique way.  We have a singular opportunity to bond like no one else ever will… after all, he is the only one who knows what my heart, my voice, etc. sounds like from the inside!  I am so excited to meet him in 2013!

So while there were definitely some sad parts of 2012, over all—it was an amazing year filled with God’s blessings.  I am anxious to see what 2013 has in store! 

Merry Christmas from the Morgans!

Wreath Monogram Christmas

Create from the Heart: photo Christmas cards from Shutterfly .

View the entire collection of cards.

2012 marks the first Christmas we have ever sent an official photo Christmas card.  Sad, but true.  And I really didn't do a very good job at creating our mailing list-- or ordering as many as I should have!  So here's a peak at our card.  Merry Christmas from the Morgans!

It's a BOY!

After what seemed like months of eager anticipation, on Thursday, Oct. 25th, we FINALLY drove down to our 19 week appointment for our anatomy sonogram.  Neither Jefforey, nor I, slept very much on Wednesday night.  We were too excited to see our baby again, and at last be able to call him or her by his or her proper pronoun!  We were so ready to find out, but mostly to see that he or she was healthy!

Apparently, one of my last photos did not look very accurate because I was wearing a loose sweater... so upon request, here's the bump at 19 weeks:

In my anxiety, I scheduled a CRAZY work week-- appointment after appointment-- to prevent the week from dragging by.  I even scheduled a meeting in Birmingham right before our appointment to keep my mind off the ultrasound!  Sweet Jefforey kindly drove to my sponsorship request meeting and waited "patiently"!   Finally, we arrived in the St. Vincent's parking deck where we snapped this fun gender reveal shot-- pink or blue?!

We got to go right back to the Ultrasound waiting area and got called in (by my favorite tech) a few minutes later.  Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long to see that sweet baby.  Everything looked good! Praise the Lord.  He showed us his 10 fingers, 10 toes, functioning 4 chamber heart, all critical organs appeared to be in working order.  It was absolutely amazing.  I couldn't stop smiling, and neither could Jefforey.  It is a priceless memory!  We didn't find out the sex right away... but it wasn't long before he got over his modesty and started "showing his stuff."   He did NOT want to be mistaken for a girl.  He proudly placed his little hiney directly onto the ultrasound wand and spread 'em :)  (multiple times).  Jefforey joked that he obviously got his modesty from his mother.  We are lucky to have found him in a very "awake state."  He was flipping all over the place!  At one point, he even flexed his left arm muscle, to which Jefforey and I both almost shouted!  "It's a sign!  He is going to be left handed...at least for sports!" :)  He really did look like a little athlete in training in there-he was doing crunches, flexing his guns, standing on his head, stretching his calves.  I'm telling you- he is already in training!  Obviously, a little phenom in waiting!  You can go ahead and put him on the watch list for the 2030 Olympics :)

 I planned to let a select few family and friends know before going to our scheduled gender reveal dinner at the Seales's home.  However, as we were wrapping up the appointment, my cell phone died.  Talk about horrendous timing!  The phone was SO dead, in fact, that it took almost an hour to charge enough to turn back on.  I had several really funny texts from anxious friends when it finally turned back on.  Sorry to have worried everyone!!  I was so honored and overwhelmed to see how many people cared to find out about Baby Morgan.  It was so much fun!!    I sent the picture below to my family and my "baby updates" group on my phone.  I later learned that my new text group didn't work out very well... I felt awful that some dear friends thought they were left out!  Again... sorry about that!  We will get it fixed!

It's a BOY!

We went by to tell my old co-workers the exciting news and show off our 24 photos that St. Vincent's gave us!  Then, we headed to Calera to have dinner with our old home group family.   I was so grateful that Jason and Alicia cooked for us and had most of the crew together again... just like old times.  Erin even bought some really cute gender-reveal props, and we took a couple of cute pictures with everyone's guesses.

After the guesses, we left the room and came back like THIS...

And, of course, showed off our boy through his first photos all over again! 

Loved seeing him sucking that little thumb!

We have really enjoyed the past few days-- sharing the news with everyone and showing of the photos.  I had a suspicion all along that he was a he :)  I'm so thankful he looks to be healthy and strong.  I praise God for allowing us the technology to see this amazing process.  I have a new appreciation for this verse.... just incredible.

Psalm 139:13- "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb."

The most common question so far:  Do you have a name picked out?
Yes-- Trace Parker Morgan!

Jefforey is actually Jefforey Allen Morgan, Jr.  so our son would be a third.  Instead of using "Jefforey Allen Morgan, III" and calling him "Trace (for tres)" -- we just wanted to simply and NAME him Trace!  And Parker is my Granny Nita's maiden name... one that most people called her, by the way.  I have every intention of calling him by both names-- Trace Parker, BUT there's a bit of debate about that in our house at the moment :)

Jefforey is still on cloud nine, as am I.  Every now and then, one of us will just float around with a goofy grin on our face and say "we're having a BOY!" Oh what BIG dreams we have for you, little buddy!  Whatever it is that you decide you want to do, we support you as long as you do it for the Lord... not for us!  I know God has big plans for you!

We are so thankful God chose us to bring Trace Parker into this world, and we're counting down the days until March 24th (or 21st, or 26th... whatever day he decides to come!)

Friday Ramblings-- A Disclaimer about This Blog

If you know me at all, you know that I was born with LOTS of opinions.  Not saying that is good, bad or otherwise, but it is certainly the truth.  Generally, I have opinions about EVERYTHING.  Lots of which, I am not even remotely educated enough about to qualify my thoughts as an opinion, but that's never stopped me from sharing those opinions!  When I started this blog, I thought I would share my thoughts about politics, sports, world events, books, random things I find entertaining to help enlighten any of my friends who choose to read my thoughts on what I enjoyed.  Apparently, I have re-evaluated that purpose, and I felt that this blog needed a disclaimer!

I was just looking back over this blog and getting kind of tickled at myself.  I usually would be whining about how bad Auburn Football is this year, ranting about the Presidential Debates, whining about how badly the Braves play in the post-season EVERY year, raving about one of the young adult series I couldn't put down... None of that stuff really matters to me this year, surprisingly!  I think I'm just happy to be in baby mode, and trying to stay remotely even-keel with my usual emotional rollercoaster, so I'm avoiding controversial conversations.... very unlike me.  I'm afraid I'm becoming boring!!  This blog is really quite sad.... written for me, by me with no one else  in mind in the least!  My apologies people.. I hate to be so self absorbed!  So Here's My Official Blog Disclaimer:  

This blog has really just been my online journal.  A way to open up to anyone who might be interested in reading!  But sheesh! It's not even entertaining!! I really should work on this.  I don't want to become bland!  Is that what happens when you have babies?!  You mellow out?!

What this blog is:

• A safe place to share and understand emotions.  That's what I do!  Please know that you are welcome to do the same.
• A place to share what God is doing in my life with anyone that may care to read!

What this blog isn't:

• Informative
• Well-written
• Structured
• About any particular subject matter... who knows what you're going to get other than a big ole batch of my feelings!

What this blog might become:

• A book review one day, a uneducated political rant the next!
• A photo album of my soon-to-be child!
• Completely obsolete!

So I am asking myself, why in the world do this whole blogging thing if I'm not doing it to make a difference for other people?  Well, darn it! I have learned that I actually enjoy putting my thoughts and feelings on "paper."  If I feel like I might want to share that with someone sometime...I suppose I can!  But if, by chance, you have wandered here somehow in search of some sort of expertise on life, love or fill in the blank for the subject of your choice.... I wanted you to know, you're probably not in the right place!

Otherwise, happy reading :)  just remember-- I didn't do this for you, bless your heart. 

Stop and Smell...errr...READ about the roses!

So, for the past month I have been working hard core and pretty much NON-STOP on a federal grant project.  We (at Hospice of Marshall County) are attempting to create a Palliative Care Alliance in Marshall County, and I am super pumped about the opportunity to work on something that hits so close to home.  This program would provide non-hospice comfort care to patients diagnosed with a life-limiting illness, but not yet appropriate for hospice care, or not yet ready to stop receiving disease-altering medications.  My Granddaddy could have really benefited from such a program, and I am now part of an organization trying to get one. It is really cool and affirming that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in terms of my career choices.

With all that said... I estimate that I've spent about 200 hours in the past month (At least 85 in the past week!) researching and writing this grant.  It has been CRAZY! And if you know me, you know that I don't sit still very well.  So sitting at my computer focusing on one task for 200 hours was a stretch!  I was out of my comfort zone for sure.  But, I discovered a ton of helpful information about these programs, which I am super passionate about.  And I discovered some new things about myself as well.  For instance, 17 weeks is NOT too early for your feet to swell, even if you don't look "that" pregnant yet.  Who knew?!  After sitting up at my computer for about 14 hours on Thursday (in the same position), I looked down on Friday morning and noticed that my right foot and ankle were GINORMOUS!    I decided it was time for some changes!  After all, according an article on the livestrong website, "An online journal article of the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that prenatal stress and anxiety is predictive of certain illnesses and the use of antibiotics after birth. This underscores conventional wisdom that pregnant women should make time for rest and activities that promote peace and relaxation.  "So during a pretty stressful week, I thought it was time that I started thinking about implementing some techniques for relaxation.  You know me-- I have to plan to relax :)

According to Baby Center-- your baby develops a sense of hearing at week 17.  So, Jefforey and I decided it was time to start reading to our baby!  We have heard of many benefits of reading in utero, and while they may all be a big pile of hooey, we love to read aloud together anyway.  So we figure, what's the harm?! 

Not to mention, "A 2008 study from Johns Hopkins University and published on the National Institutes of Health site reports that a fetus responds with beneficial signs in its heart rhythm when a mother experiences induced relaxation. It is unknown how, if at all, a baby in utero benefits from attempts to enrich her through reading, talking and singing."  Read more here.

I will say, even if we don't pop out a child who is automatically enrolled in Mensa upon issuance of his birth certificate-- reading to the baby has proven to be very relaxing and a positive bonding experience for us.  Like every subject, there is a lot of info available online-- event teaching you How to Read to Your Baby inside the womb in case you might be interested!

By the way-- only 9 more days until we know if we're having a boy or girl!  Any predictions?  I finally broke down and took a Gender Predictor Quiz.  It confirmed my thoughts-- we will have a Trace Parker Morgan!  We shall see on Oct. 25th (hopefully)!

Dear Sweet Baby: A Letter to My Unborn Child

Dear Sweet Baby,

We have known that you were going to be a part of our lives for almost 3 months now, but yet... somehow it is just becoming real.  Maybe it is that tiny fluttering I can feel when I get really still and concentrate (especially when your daddy talks to you, I feel you stirring!), or less satisfyingly-- the indigestion that has become my constant companion. :)  Either way, there is definitely not a minute that goes by that you aren't on my brain, in my heart and in my prayers.  Any time that my brain has a moment to be blank, it automatically turns wholeheartedly to you-- wondering what you are doing inside my womb, how you are developing, what you will look like, how you will act.  I am not worrying about you (at least, I'm not speaking that...). I am trying REALLY hard to rely on God's mercy and grace, knowing He has a perfect plan for you, little buddy.  Knowing that He is Sovereign, Almighty and forever in control.  He is creating your delicate features-- fearfully and wonderfully!  He is weaving your personality and who you will become.  It amazes me that the God of the Universe takes such intricate care of each of His children.

 Psalm 139:14 (NIV) I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;   your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I am so thankful for you, Sweet Baby.  I am thankful not only because you are making my lifelong dream of being a mommy come true, but also because you are teaching me to love my Creator, my Savior even more every day.  Because getting to experience your little life is teaching me new things about love and helping me relate to my Heavenly Father in new and different ways. 

 There are so many lessons I want to teach you... countless things I want you to know from this day forward. You are precious to me.  You are loved and adored.   You are important! I want you to be confident in who you are and who you can be in Christ.  

Ephesians 3:12 (NIV)-  In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

1. You are God's Child- John 1:12
2. You are Christ's friend- John 15:15
3. You can be assured that all things will work together for good- Romans 8:28  
4. You are God's workmanship- created to serve Him.- Ephesians 2:10

God's promises are much better than the ones you will get from us. While you have my word that I will do my best to never break a promise to you, please understand and remember, Sweet Baby, that I am just a sinner-- just like you will be.  We can't expect each other to be perfect because we live in a fallen world.  But Praise God we can rely on One who is Perfect, whose promises will never fail.  

I cannot pretend that I am not scared.  I am afraid to mess up!  I want to be a perfect mom for you... to always do right by you so your feelings are never hurt by me.  Please never doubt how much I love you.  We want the best for you, little one!  You have brought me so much joy in the past 15-1/2 weeks.  I can't even explain the glow of pure happiness I have displayed since I first found out about you. Things that used to aggravate me, they don't seem to matter any more!  You are a light in our lives, and we love you so very much!

Love with every fiber of my being,

Your Mom

Joy Unspeakable

1 Peter 1:8 u"Though you have not seen him, you love him. vThough you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory..."

This is one of my favorite verses of all time, and I will say... lately, it has a new meaning.  In case you haven't heard the news yet.  We are expecting!  God-willing, baby Morgan will arrive sometime between March 20-March 26... smack-dab in the middle of baseball season!  There isn't a whole lot of visible evidence (and I apologize for the poor quality of the photo below), but the tiny baby bump first showed up around 12 weeks, which is the photo you can see below.  We are just over 14 weeks now, and I have so many reasons to be joyful:  the clothes are getting tighter, the nausea and sickness have (FINALLY-- Praise God!) begun to phase out, and I'm beginning to believe that this is really happening!  We are really going to have a baby this time!

God has been working in our lives, and in my feeble human mind-- it seems like this MUST be over-time for our great God!! It is amazing to look back over the past year and a half, and see the many things God has been weaving into our story! An overwhelming theme of these many lessons seems to be "Just wait and see, Annah Grace, you don't have to see the WHOLE picture at once.  TRUST ME!  I am in control. My plans for you are good, and they will be revealed to you in MY time.  Just trust and obey..."  God is working on my patience.  I can feel Him changing my heart.  I am so grateful that He hasn't given up yet because I am one stubborn girl. 

I have been struggling with a lot of fear with this pregnancy.  Not necessarily fear that I admitted readily, but I was not willing to really let it sink in that we are pregnant until very recently.  I didn't want to be excited yet.  I didn't want to tell anyone for a while. I didn't even tell my family until we were past the 8 week mark, and just made it facebook official after my 14 week check up.  But I have really been trying to cast that anxiety on the Lord because I know He cares for me!  I know that fear doesn't come from Him.  So I'm finally talking about our sweet baby, and allowing myself to think and dream of our sweet baby! I cannot WAIT until Oct. 25th when I will hopefully learn if our sweet baby is going to be a boy or girl. (I'm really trying to avoid saying "it" in reference to our little buddy-- because "it" just feels wrong.  I have NO idea how my friends that choose to wait to find out the sex do it!!)

There is a great song called "Wait and See" that Brandon Heath sings.  These lyrics really play on repeat in my head during most days...

There is hope, for me yet,
Because God won't forget,
All the plans HE's made for me
I have to wait and see,
HE's not finished with me yet

Still wonderin' why I'm here.
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh... HE's up to something,
And the farther out I go,
I've seen enough to know
That I'm not here for nothin'...
He's up to somethin'.

Among many other things-- our move home, job changes for both me and Jefforey, our baby, the loss we've experienced in the past couple of years-- we have also answered a call into part-time youth ministry at First Methodist Church in Albertville.  (I promise there will be more on this subject later!)  We started that new part-time job on Sept. 9th.  So we know, we are not here for our comfort, or our pleasure!  We know God is up to something BIG in our lives, and I am so thankful that He chooses to use unqualified, undeserving sinners to work miracles in His amazing master plan!  As always, your prayers are appreciated!